The Sin of Solomon
Idolatry
I never understood the weight of idolatry until recently. I was reading the book of 1 Kings. That’s when I realized it. Idolatry was the reason for the beginning of the separation between Israel and Judah, and ultimately the fall of both. Since the Hebrews practiced this abominable sin, not only did they become separated from each other, but also, they became separated from God (in their hearts). I’ve also realized idolatry is often the fruit of when a major root problem has gone neglected or unnoticed. For example, Solomon had 1,000 wives & concubines (combined). The Bible explains how he married women from other nations who served other gods, and how he loved them so much that he clung to them. While it’s not explicitly stated, it could be assumed that Solomon had a problem with lusting after women. Not to mention lust seemed to be a generational struggle for him (as we know, King David also had a weakness for women). In the same breath we know that the Bible also speaks highly of Solomon’s character before his old age and falling into idolatry. He was clearly a man who genuinely cared about the well-being of God’s people. We know this because he asks God for an “understanding mind” and discernment to govern his great people (1 Kings 3:6-9). We also see that he desired to do what was right, by his obedience to David’s instructions that were left for him to do once David died. Unfortunately, Solomon allowed women to be his stumbling block, and as a result, it brought him down along with the people of Israel.
All this is to say that when it comes to the sin of idolatry, many of us stumble into it (myself included). We may plan to do good, but we let our temptations lead us to compromise. We don’t notice that our inner struggles that we ignore (or the ones we may not even be conscious of) will manifest into a snowball of sin. Personally, I had a lust issue at the core as well. I used to idolize so many things: the guys I dated, sex, marriage, beauty, and even just the appearance of the perfect life people portray on social media. In hindsight, it seems so silly to put all these things on a pedestal. However, when I was in it, I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. All I saw was that I had to strive for those things to have purpose and value in life. I didn’t know that I was created perfectly and purposefully already and that God’s plans for my life would not look like the cookie cutter life I’d longed so desperately for.
What Idolatry Looked Like for Me
Although I didn’t recognize I had idols before, I can look back now and clearly see that I did. At the root of all of it was lust, hurt, and jealousy. Ever since middle school I was boy crazy. At first, I was shy to show a guy that I had feelings for him. When I first entered middle school, most of the boys feared me (unless they were ones that were close to me like a brother). They knew me as more of a stand-offish type (because shyness can manifest in many ways). My reputation as the girl without feelings was like a cloak of protection, but it was false. Of course, I had feelings! Anyway, after growing into myself a little bit, I had developed an obsession to be noticed — and more strongly — to be needed, by a man. With every boyfriend I’d ever had, I would kiss his feet (metaphorically speaking) as if he were Jesus in the flesh. I didn’t think of it that way though. I thought I was doing what was right and what was necessary. More importantly, I did what I thought would fulfill me. If they were happy and satisfied, then it felt like “Okay, I must be doing everything right.” That eventually translated into my sexuality as well (if you haven’t read The “M” Word or my testimony on overcoming masturbation addiction, I recommend that you do. It goes more into detail about how I idolized sexual sin.) The reality is that I had it all wrong because I was making the guys in my life more important than God.
Along with those relationships, I started to worship vanity. I thought that if everything looked a certain way, then life would be perfect. I would spend hours in the mirror just staring at myself to make sure not a hair was out of place. If I didn’t like what I saw, I would pick myself apart and be riddled with frustration and doubt. Then jealousy would kick in on overdrive after hours of scrolling through Instagram. I would see other people looking happy and appearing to have it all, so I would throw a pity party for myself and be bitter that my life did not look that way. One thing that really used to tear me apart was seeing couples — online, in person, it didn’t matter. I could never be happy for them because I saw marriage as the pinnacle, yet in all my striving I hadn’t achieved it. To me, they had the most valuable thing on the planet. I think that belief stemmed from my parents being divorced. In my mind, the reason we (my mom, sister, and I) were struggling was because my parents couldn’t stay married. I thought to myself, “if only they had just stayed together none of this would be an issue”, but obviously marriage in itself doesn’t just fix everything. However, in my naivety, I viewed it as the golden ticket.
A New Path
I’m not sharing my story to glorify lust and idol worship but to hopefully bring others into awareness of things that may be taking precedent in their own lives over God. I want to encourage you that we don’t have to continue walking in our sinful ways. If you are currently walking in idolatry, I encourage you to break down those altars immediately. You have to get rid of all the high places you have created in your heart to the things that you are prioritizing over your relationship with God. If not, you may make some progress, but ultimately those idols may creep back up later. To fully turn back to God, it takes a lot of work. I’m not going to sugar coat it. It takes making the conscious decision every single day that He is going to be first on your list. Whatever that looks like for you may be different than what it looks like for someone else. What’s most important is that your desire to know and be known by God is genuine and primary. It also takes realizing the root issue and facing it instead of pacifying it. Like I stated previously, the root of my issue was Daddy & Mommy issues, abandonment & attachment issues. All of these things led me to find validation and security in lust and through guys. The more I felt “loved” and validated by these guys the deeper and wilder my thought life got, hence my actual life following suit. A big part of helping me break that altar was capturing my thoughts and handling them appropriately. The same is true for all the other altars. I had to learn how to immediately become aware of my thought pattern and where it would take me physically. The brain is so powerful that what you think influences what you speak, ultimately having the potential to shape your physical life. So, if your mind is always wandering or it’s set on selfish desires, take back control over your life by starting with your mind. Rebuke the thoughts that you know are wrong and rehearse the ones that are good and true.
If you are reading this post and feel unsure if you may have idols in your life, take a moment and ask yourself these questions about whatever that thing is you’re thinking about:
Does this thing have control over my emotions?
Is this thing controlling my daily actions and decision making?
What type of fruit or consequences are being produced by this thing? (Good, bad, none at all?)
If you answered yes to 1 and 2 and it is bearing bad fruit or negative consequences, then you’ve identified your idol.
Once you know better, you should do better. I hope everyone reading this knows that they are son and daughters of the Most High God, and nothing on this earth can take that away. Let your worth be rooted in that truth, not the desires of your flesh, your heart, your mind, or even the desires of others. Once I leaned in to the truth, that I am valued already and I am who I am because of the love of Jesus, it became so much easier to always put him as number one in my life and keep him there. I hope that you all may experience that too.
Much Love,
K.V.B.
