The "M" Word Part 2
Hey guys! So, this is technically part two of my article The “M" Word. If you haven’t read the first post yet, I strongly encourage you to go read it. Then, you can come back to this one! Just in case you were wondering, in the first post I talked about my experience with masturbation — how I was introduced to it, how I became addicted, and how I was set free from that addiction recently. I did share a little bit about why masturbation is not of God and why you should stop, but I wanted to go deeper in this post to explain the specific and practical ways you can overcome masturbation addiction. I’m a person who loves details, so I figured this may help the perfectionists who want to know all the deets like me. Enjoy!
Step One: Repentance
Repentance can be described as changing one’s mind, turning away / the opposite direction, or turning from sin. I believe all of these definitions / descriptions are valid and essential. Multiple times throughout the Bible, we are called to repent and start over. It’s mentioned in both the old and new testaments, and as we know, if something said is repeated, it typically holds a mansion of significance to God. Through the process of repentance (i.e. realizing we are sinning, understanding the consequences of our sin, and turning away from sin and back to God) we are able to continue our process of sanctification and growing deeper in our relationship with God. For myself personally, I had to repent MANY times. Yes, that means I told the Lord I would stop, then BOOM! I had failed again. The natural course of action once we’ve broken a promise or failed to meet a standard is to run and hide, just like Adam and Eve tried to do in the garden. However, we have to realize that we are blessed with the gift of repentance. God sees everything anyway, so he knows that exact moment when you may have slipped up. But he does not want to condemn us to hell. What he truly wants is unification with his children. He just wants us to rely on him and come back to him. Understand that it’s okay that your record isn’t perfect. Just repent, pick up where you left off, and keep moving forward knowing that you can count on God to restore you.
Step Two: Renew Your Mind
Romans 12 verse 2 tells us to not be conformed to the ways of the world, but instead to be transformed by the renewal of our minds. To renew your mind means learning to have the mind of Christ. To think like Christ, walk like Christ, talk like Christ, and ultimately allow the Holy Spirit to guide you. We get to this point by spending time with God every day. We have to stay reading the Word of God and communicating with him through prayer daily. By doing these things, we grow in strength and maturity in our faith, and we are able to be tested by trials without falling into how we would react, when we were of the world.
Step Three: Flee Temptation
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”
1 Corinthians 10:13
This verse just puts everything into perspective for me. The temptations that we experience are not uncommon or so much stronger than that of others that we will not be able to overcome it. What we may be dealing with is hard, but God always gives us a way out. In the very next verse Paul says, “Therefore, my beloved {speaking of the Corinthian church}, flee from idolatry.” I know that when most people think of idolatry, they may think of bowing down to statues, being submissive to a king or queen, or worshiping random objects, but idolatry has a much broader countenance today. The face of idolatry appears differently now. It has many more forms. Any addiction that has you bound could be considered an idol, and if you continue to be a slave to that thing, it will end you. So, my advice is from the very moment you are tempted to bow down to sin, resist and flee from that temptation.When he gives you the way out, take it.
Step Four: Set Boundaries & Starve The Flesh
As our brother James puts it, faith without works is dead. You can believe for freedom from masturbation, but that doesn’t mean that temptation won’t knock at your front door. You must believe that you are free, but also, do not be lackadaisical in your approach to resisting temptation. Set boundaries and standards in place that keep you from putting yourself in a place to be tempted unnecessarily. Here are a few of my personal boundaries to avoid being triggered and things that help me if I am already feeling triggered. Some of them may sound a little silly or like a non issue, but if it works it works!
Keep a top, a bottom, and appropriate undergarments on at ALL times (except for in the shower of course!)
Don’t watch romantic shows or movies, especially when you feel down. (This one’s hard for me because I am SUCH a hopeless romantic, but I can 100% tell the difference in my emotions and desires when I have been keeping this boundary. I feel much less triggered and much more sober minded.)
Don’t shave where the sun doesn’t shine. (Don’t get your panties all in a bunch about this one. It’s hygienic, I swear! You have hair there for a reason.)
Shorter showers & colder showers (And sometimes no showers when necessary. If I’m really struggling, the last thing I want is to be both naked and alone. You can always take a shower later once the urge to masturbate has passed.)
Take a nap.
Get off your butt and go do something! (No, but seriously, sometimes distractions can be a good thing. Take your focus off of what you’re feeling in the moment and redirect it to something more fruitful.)
Phone a friend. (I’m not gonna lie, I typically don’t tell my friends all the deets in the moment….or maybe ever. But I do try to reach out if I’m struggling. Even if they don’t know exactly what I’m struggling with, it just helps to be able to have people in your corner that are willing to listen and help you come back down from the cliff.)
I know, this may seem like a lot or unnecessary to some, but for me, setting and keeping rules / boundaries (no matter how odd or silly) helps you to starve the flesh and strengthen your faith. You need to create a plan to avoid temptation and receive victory. Whatever we feed grows and whatever we starve dies, so do whatever you can to NOT feed into your desire to masturbate.
Step Five: Understanding Your Identity
In Romans chapter 8, Paul speaks about us being children and heirs or God with Jesus by way of the Holy Spirit. Galatians 3:28-29 states “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s offspring, heirs according to promise.”
Now, the context of these verses has to do with being under the law of Moses and also who has a right to inherit the kingdom of God due to their cultural / family lineage. Paul here, is saying that because Christ has fulfilled the law, others are able to be adopted as sons and daughters of God even though they don’t follow the traditional ways of the Jews. Don’t miss the big picture here. Your true identity is an heir. You are not whatever label you were born into or whatever traditions you’ve always practiced. You are NOT that girl or guy with daddy issues. You are not a failure. You are not a slave to addiction and sin. You are not that kid that’s always in trouble. You are not too far gone. You ARE an heir, a son or daughter of the King. By definition that means you are entitled to receive an inheritance from a predecessor, and that predecessor is Jesus. Through him we will inherit the kingdom of God. Not only will we receive that blessing after we leave Earth, but also we will have it here on Earth.
Understand your identity. Our position as the sons and daughters of the Most High God requires that we are obedient to his desires for us, not enslaved to the desires of our own bodies. Through Him we have authority over every thought we think and every action we take, so use that authority in those times where you feel weak and want to give in to the flesh.
Exposing my past with masturbation addiction has not been easy (actually it’s embarrassing and very humbling), but the more God calls me the more I realize that it is not about me. I hope this post has truly blessed you.
Much Love,
K.V.B.
