How To Be Single on Valentine’s Day
This is for all the girlies like me, who will be spending this Valentine’s Day as a single woman. I decided that instead of crying my eyes out over it, I could channel my energy into something more positive and beneficial. I have spent the last 5 Valentine’s Days single, and this one will be number 6. I know to some people that may seem extremely lonely, or sad, or all the above. However, this is the first time I am choosing to be okay with it and — dare I say — embracing it. Don’t get me wrong I would love to be in a loving happy romantic relationship, but I’m no longer going to sit around and mope all day just because I’m not at that place in my life yet. If anything, that would be counterproductive from a logical viewpoint. So, for all my single girlies, no matter if you’re happy about it or not, I hope that you get something from this post whether it be encouragement, confidence, clarity, revelation, etc. Keep your head up girls and enjoy your day to the fullest!
Accept Your Singleness
It has taken me a VERY long time to finally accept my singleness. What I mean by accepting your singleness is being okay with being single. Sure, you may not love it all the time, but you should not desire to be in a relationship so badly that you are not okay if you aren’t. For a long time I was desperate to be in a relationship. I would settle for being a friend with benefits or the girl who was never good enough for commitment but always good for wasting time. Toward the end of college I got to a point where I was just lost. I couldn’t understand why no one would commit, why I was always feeling less than
and rejected, and why I wasn’t receiving what I desired more than anything. The truth is, I was so obsessed with the idea of being loved by someone else that I neglected truly loving myself (and God for that matter). Today, I am at such a better place. I am single, but I am not lonely. I am single, but I no longer question if I’m worthy because God says that I am. I am finally at a place where I understand and accept the beauty and complexities of singleness. When you finally get to that place, it feels SO good! You realize that singleness indeed is not a curse but an opportunity to continue growing with God and get to know yourself better as well. Some people have to beat a dead horse to get to a place of acceptance (I would know because trust me, I was one of them). However, my hope for you is that you don’t have to go through years of heartache to be okay with where you are. Understand that once you accept your singleness, you can start to walk in it with confidence. That is my hope for all the single girlies, and personally, I am so proud of myself for starting my journey as well.
Be Thankful!
Gratitude can go such a long way. Honestly, this is something I struggle with sometimes. It can be so easy to look outside of your circumstances and start comparing your life to someone else’s, but that will get you nowhere. It is so unhealthy to constantly be worried about everyone else or about the future. I recommend taking some time to reflect today. When you think about the past and where you came from, typically that’s when we see that we have so much to be grateful for in the present. This is especially true for me. My past has been kind of dark. As a kid I grew up in a single parent home.
Though we had more than others, we often were still lacking a lot, especially in the area of finances. Currently, I am going through a hard time with my own personal finances, but as I look around I am so grateful. The fact that I dropped out of college in part to help try to bring my family out of poverty (by working and helping pay bills) and actually made a difference speaks volumes for the faithfulness of God and just how blessed I truly am. In 2022, I was a 22 year old college drop out with no job and major depression. I shared a small room with my little sister who is 8 years younger than me, and I was desperate for us to just get away from the apartment neighborhood that we lived in (due to neighbors constantly fighting, doing drugs, etc.). Today I am the most emotionally and mentally stable that I have been since my youth, I live in a 3-bedroom apartment in a much nicer neighborhood (with my mom and sister), and I have my very own room. I could shout just for that! I know that for some this might seem insignificant, but for me, I’m living in a dream that I was so desperate for my whole life. All I’ve wanted from the time I was in middle school was peace, and I have that now. Despite my current struggles, I am so grateful that God has been with me all this time and that he still is. On a romantic note, I used to be in a very toxic relationship most of high school. Then in college I could never manage to have a healthy relationship with a guy. Today I’m single, in my right mind, and I don’t have to live with crying myself to sleep every night over the last guy. Thank God! Ladies, if Valentine’s Day is hard for you, I dare you to just reflect and be thankful today.
Give Yourself Some Love
One of the greatest commandments that we have as Christians is to love others as we love OURSELVES (Matthew 22: 39). So, this means with whatever measure we love ourselves, we should love our neighbors that same way. In the same breath, if we want to extend a multitude of love toward others, then it’s only natural that we must first extend that same type of love to our self. This is the key that so many of us miss: In order to love others properly, you must love yourself. Period. It can be so weird to think of things that way, but when you think about it, the logic makes sense.
When it comes to practicality, loving yourself has many faces. It can look like taking care of your physical body. This is typically what people refer to as “self-care”: taking a shower, keeping good dental hygiene, keep your hair presentable, having a skin care routine, eating well, and exercising. All of these things are necessary to care for your physical body. However, loving yourself also looks like taking care of your mental and emotional health. Some ways you can do that are by going to therapy, reading therapeutic books, journaling / checking in on yourself every day, or even talking through your feelings with people you trust like your close friends and family. Above all keeping God first, talking to him every day, and reading his word daily is essential to managing your mental, emotional, and spiritual health.
Another way to show yourself love is to give yourself grace and speak life over yourself. This is major! As a 24-year-old female, it can be tempting for me to feel like I need to have it all together, but I don’t — not even in the slightest. It’s hard to be so honest about my shortcomings with others, but I have learned that when I make mistakes the goal is to learn from them and move on. I can’t beat myself up about it, but I must extend grace to myself for not being perfect. Then when I’m feeling insecure or doubting myself, I have learned that encouraging myself and affirming myself only makes things better. It’s like giving yourself a hug every time you speak well about and TO yourself. At first it can feel uncomfortable because most of us at some point in life experience trauma which we then live out the rest of our lives based around. The trauma often tells you everything you are not, and if you’re not careful, it starts to sound natural to us. However, the more that we lean into truth — God’s truth — and we continue to practice speaking life into ourselves, it gets easier and easier.
Keep The Faith
Faith is everything. In Hebrews ch.11 we learn that “faith is the evidence of things unseen” and that without faith, it is impossible to please God. The reason why is because to even believe that God exists literally requires faith. The Lord does not require much of us, but he does require us to believe. All of us may not be waiting on a relationship or a future spouse, but all of us are waiting on something. If we are ever going to see the promises and the plans that God has so graciously gifted us, it will require living in the tension of present contentment and
hopeful expectancy (even though the evidence is not tangible yet). You have to understand the importance of trusting in God. Sad to say, but this is a lesson that I am just now starting to really understand. With my current situation of not having a job and not really knowing a clear career path that I’d want to go down, I have had to put all of my trust in Him. I have had to learn to let go and let Jesus work. Of course, I’m not idle in the process. I am putting in the work as much as I can to get a job. I’ve done many applications and had a pretty decent number of interviews, but nothing seems to stick (even when they give me the impression that I’m right for the job). So, what I’ve learned through this process and what I’ve prayed is that “what is for me will be for me.” Whatever is not for me, I always ask God to close that door and make it very clear that it’s not. Now that’s a dangerous prayer for someone like me who quite honestly is not the best at handling rejection. However, dealing with the rejection is so worth it if it means that with every no I’m just getting one step closer to my yes. This principle can be applied to so many things we may be going through, especially to being in the waiting season of singleness. I’ve dealt with lots of rejection in the area of romance, but until recently I never trusted him fully with that area of my life. Honestly, it’s still challenging for me, but I see now how when you put your faith in Him, there is an unnatural peace that will surround you. It is the supernatural peace of God. That’s the only way I can explain it. You may see the trees burning in the forest, but something in your spirit just knows that the rain is coming soon, and the fire will be put out. I think Philippians 4 puts it best — to enact faith we should pray and give thanks and let him know our request. Then we should leave that with him and carry no anxiety or worry with us as we wait.
“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Well girlies, we’ve reached the end of the post. I know a lot of this is SO much easier said than done, but when you get to a place of honoring your singleness instead of loathing it, it will be SO worth it. Have a lovely Valentine’s Day girls and thanks for reading!
Much Love,
K.V.B.
