Comparison & Envy
“Comparison is the thief of Joy!” they say. Well, unfortunately, they are right. Most of us know and understand this quote, yet we continue to succumb to the terrorism of this petty foe. Why is that? I blame human nature. The sinful nature who’s main concern is self.
As I was sitting on the couch watching a YouTube video about a couple experiencing infertility, suddenly something in my heart showed its ugly head. I found myself thinking, “Wow! I can’t believe this. Here this girl is, young (26) beautiful and in a beautiful relationship with such a respectful & loving husband. Yet, she has the nerve to complain that she has not yet become a mother.” In my opinion, I thought she had the perfect life. She had so many things that I long for (a stable career, financial abundance, a healthy marriage, and so on). For context, I’m 23 soon to be 24 years old, single, no children, completely unsure of my future career, and only a tiny mustard seed of hope that I may one day attain these things in life. Uh huh, now its making sense to you. I was straight up JEALOUS — no other way to put it.
For some reason I couldn’t see past my own wants and desires for just a moment to have compassion for someone else in a completely different situation. That is so ugly! And even worse - selfish. And moreover, completely irrational. There is no reason that I should feel some disdain for someone I’ve never even met all because they have something that I don’t. But that is what comparison will do to you.
It didn’t take long for me to catch myself red handed. Once I realized I was comparing my current situation to someone else’s, I had to stop the thief in its tracks! Here’s how I did it and how you can too:
Stop, take a deep breath, and identify the issue.
Confront the issue.
Repent and redirect.
When dealing with feelings of comparison, it can be easy to have emotions running rampant, causing us to make poor decisions. Before you scroll down to that comment section to find someone who’s just as envious as you, or go gossip to someone about why someone doesn’t deserve x, y, or z, or go cry in the corner having a pity party of one —stop. Breathe. Get real real with yourself about what’s actually going on here. You are in a battle with comparison and she’s about to win and run off into the night with your joy and your sense of peace.
“Comparison Is The Thief of Joy”
— Theodore Roosevelt
Then, confront the beast. Why are you feeling this way? Is there something that’s triggering you that maybe you should avoid until you’ve matured more? Are you only feeling this way due to the pressure put on you by peers or society? In any case, just remind yourself that while your feelings are valid, it doesn’t make negative behavior due to comparison okay.
Once you’ve recognized and confronted the issue repent and redirect. Repenting means turning the opposite direction. You feel remorse, but you also devote yourself to making better decisions — not repeating old ways. Redirecting your mental steps looks like training your mind to think rationally, telling yourself truth about your situation, and allowing yourself to be compassionate (both to yourself and others). After all, you never know what someone may have had to sacrifice, to attain all the blessings and favor that you perceive.
So please be kind. Think before you react. Learn how to praise others. Learn to walk in your own joy and grace even if that may look different than someone else’s. In the long run you will be so much healthier and happier for it.
Much love,
K.V.B.
